Never happy

I would like to think that one day I can come here and report that something good has happened to me. Unfortunately, that day is not today. 

I hate the weekends. I have to spend 48 hours around two spoiled children and their even worse mother. I've currently been subjected to seven hours of screaming. Literal screaming. My nephew resorts to yelling and hollering when he doesn't get what he wants. And he usually doesn't get what he wants. 

My nerves are just frayed and worn. When I got away in March, my life seemed perfect. I was an adult and I got to be around other adults. It seemed like I might actually be able to cope with what I deal with at home. Once I returned, though, it took about three days before I was completely over it again. 

I love them but I'm just unable to cope anymore. I want to leave. I want to get away and enjoy my life again. I want to be able to get up on Saturday morning and watch television or read and have a cup of coffee without being interrupted. I miss the ability to just watch or so whatever I wanted to. That seems like such a precious thing to me now. I'm always spending money on children and tending to a dog I didn't want and then dealing with a job where I'm not treated with respect and where I'm constantly under attack. It's just soul crushing. 

Where does it end?

Does it ever end?

That might be a better question. I long for the days when there were no children and I was the one who bore the brunt of my sister's terrible attitudes, mood swings and I'll behavior. Now, those two innocent little kids have to hear this nonsense as well. 

Does she never grow tired of screaming and yelling? Of endlessly bitching? I can't take anymore of it. I've tried to be here, to be the good uncle, looking after a niece and nephew who need someone so desperately but I'm not going to be able to be here forever. 

There's not a day that goes by that doesn't find me longing to be somewhere else or longing to have the courage to just end it all. 

There's nothing else to say

I want to die. 

If I weren't a coward, I'd end it today. I'm completely done with everything. 

I hate my job. I hate my family. I hate my life. I asked my boyfriend to marry me last week and he basically dodged the question without answering me. My life has no purpose.